Posts Tagged ‘manners’

A hundred ways to win peoples heart

Friday, January 27th, 2012

Anyone involved in a particular activity wishes to excel in order to achieve his objectives. The one who loves wealth specialises in accumulating it and further aspires to learn the tricks of his trade. Satellite television channels specialise in attracting viewers by airing a variety of shows using the latest technology.

Hey also train their presenters in attracting viewers for current as well as forthcoming programs. The same can be said of newspaper, radio and television. The same applies to those who market various products, whether halaal or haram. All these people endeavour to specialise in techniques that are needed in order for them to excel in their respective fields

Winning hearts is also an art with its own ways and means.

Suppose you enter a gathering of forty men and as you pass by each of them, shaking everyone’s hands the first shakes your hand indifferently and says very coldly, “welcome”, the second is busy speaking to the next person, and as you greet him by surprise, he responds to you very impersonally and without even looking at you, then continues with his conversation with the next person; the third person is speaking on the phone, so he simply stretches out his hand without saying a word or showing any respect. However, when you get to the forth person, he sees you and immediately stands up to greet you. When your eyes meet his, he smiles and demonstrates that he is glad to meet you. He shakes your hand warmly and welcomes you, even though you don’t know each other at all! You then greet the rest of the people and takes a seat. Do you doubt that your heart will have the most respect for the fourth person? No doubt  it will, even though you do not know his name, nor his status or profession. Despite that, he successfully captures your heart, not with wealth, status or lineage, but merely by his interpersonal skills.

Hence hearts are not won by force, wealth, beauty or status. They are won by much less of a sacrifice, yet few are able to win them.

I recall one of my students at university, who had become physiologically ill due to severe depression. His father held a high position in the police force and had come to visit me at the university quite a few times, asking me for my help with his son. I would visit his house every now and then, which was a towering mansion. I would notice that his house would always be full of guest I was amazed a how much this family was loved and respected.

Years went by and the man retired. I went to his house for a visit. I entered his mansion and went into the guest room to notice more than fifty chairs, but only one person watching television and a butler offering him coffee or tea. I sat with him for a while. When I left I began to compare his situation while the man was working with now that he had retired. What was it about him that had attracted the people then? I realised that the man did not win people over by manners, kindness and good treatment of others. Rather he had only attracted them by mean of his status, position and the fact that he was well connected. When he lost his position, he also lost the love people had for him.

Therefore, learn a lesson from this man. deal with the people so skilfully that they love you for who you are and what you say, and for your smile, gentleness and generosity. They will love the fact that you overlook their faults an stand by them at times of hardship. Do not allow their hearts to be attached merely to your status and your purse!

The one who provides his children and wife with the wealth, food, drink only does not win their heart by doing so, but only their stomachs! The one who showers his family with wealth while he mistreats them does not win their hearts; rather, he only wins their pockets.

For this reason, do not be surprised if you see a young man who faces a problem and therefore complains to his friend, teacher or the imam of a mosque, but not to his own father. This would be because the father has failed to win over his heart and break down barriers. On the other hand, it is the teacher or the friend, who has managed to win his heart.

Another important point: have you ever noticed that when certain people visit a gathering packed with people and look left and right for somewhere to sit, there always seems to be no shortage of people calling them over to sit next to them. Why?

Or a buffer, where everyone serves themselves food and then looks somewhere to sit, have you noted that such people, as soon as they have filed their plates, are subject to large numbers of people calling them in order to at with them? Whereas, other may fill their plates and have nobody taking any interest whatsoever, so they have a very lonely meal?

Why are people so eager to sit with one type but not the other? Is it not that certain people have the ability to attracted hearts wherever they may be, as if they are magnets? How extraordinary!

How did they manage to win people? by using clever techniques, to capture people’s hearts.

Resolution….

Our ability to capture people’s heart and win heir love brings us great happiness in life.

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With the poor

Friday, June 17th, 2011

Many people today view manners in a commercial light. To them, only rich people’s jokes are worth laughing at, and only their faults are considered small and worthy of overlooking.
As for the poor; their jokes are unbearable and only worthy of ridicule, while their faults are magnified and they are shouted down.

As for the Prophet his kindness extended to both rich and poor alike. Anas may Allah be pleased with him said, “There was a man from amongst the Bedouins whose name was Zahir bin Haram. Whenever he came to Madinah for a need, he brought something for the Prophet  as a gift, like cottage cheese or butter. Likewise, the Prophet would prepare something to give to him whenever he wanted to leave, such as dates and so on. The Prophet  used to love him and say: “Zahir is our Bedouin and we are his city-dwellers. ” Zahir was not very good looking.  One day, Zahir may Allah be pleased with him left the desert and came to Allah’s Messenger  but did not find him. He had some merchandise to sell so he went on to the marketplace.

When the Prophet  found out about his arrival, he went to the marketplace looking for him.When he arrived, he saw him selling his merchandise with sweat pouring down from his face, and he wore Bedouin clothes which did not smell good either. The Prophet   hugged him tightly from behind, while Zahir was unaware and could not see who it was.

Zahir became scared and said:”Let me go! Who is this?” But the Prophet  remained silent. Zahir tried to release himself from his grip and started to look right and left. When he saw the Prophet   he relaxed and calmed down, placing his back against the Prophet’s chest. The Prophet  began to joke with him, saying to the public:”  who will buy this slave?! Who will buy this slave?!”

Thereupon, Zahir looked at himself and thought of his extreme poverty, for he had neither wealth nor good looks.

He said: “You will find me unmarketable, O Messenger of Allah.”

The Prophet   said:“But you are not unmarketable with Allah. You are very precious to Allah.”

It was no surprise then that the hearts of the poor were attached to the Prophet  He would gain their respect and love by such an attitude. Many poor people may not accuse the rich
of miserliness in terms of wealth and food, but they can certainly accuse them of miserliness in terms of gracious and kind treatment. How often do you smile at a poor person and make
him feel he is worthy and respectable, so that perhaps at night he might supplicate for you and cause Allah’s mercy to descend upon you from the heavens?

There may be a person with dishevelled hair who is rejected and not cared for, but if he ever asks Allah for something he is always responded to, Therefore, always be humane with the weak.

A hint…
Perhaps just a smile at a poor man would raise you in rank in the sight of Allah.

 

key:= Peace be upon him

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Enjoy the skills

Friday, June 10th, 2011

These skills give us physical pleasure, and I do not mean by this the pleasure of the hereafter only. Rather, it is that pleasure one actually feels in this world. So enjoy these skills and practise them with the old, young, rich, poor, near or far. Use these skills with them in order to guard yourself from their harm, to earn their love, or to rectify them.

‘AIi bin al-jahm was a very eloquent poet, but he was a Bedouin.The only life he knew was the desert life.The Caliph, al-Mutawakkil, was very powerful. People would go to visit him and return with whatever they wished. One day, ‘Ali bin al-jahm entered Baghdad and it was said to him,”whoever praises the Caliph, is bestowed with honour and gifts.”

‘Ali became excited and went to the Caliph’s palace.There he saw the poets reciting their poems in praise of the Caliph and returning with gifts. Al-Mutawakkil was known for his authority, awe and power. ‘Ali began to praise the Caliph with a poem in which he likened him to a dog, a goat and a bucket, whilst other poets likened him to the sun,the moon and the mountains!

The Caliph became angry, and his guards unsheathed their swords and prepared to strike off his neck. But then, the Caliph realised that ‘Ali bin al-jahm was from the desert and that his
personality and poetic taste was shaped accordingly. He decided to change his personality, so he ordered his men to house him in a section of the palace, be treated with kindness and be given all the available pleasures.

Al-jahm tasted some of these bounties and sat on couches side by side with eloquent poets and authors for seven months. One day, as the Caliph was sitting in his nightly gathering, he
remembered ‘A|i bin al-jahm, so he sent for him.When al-jahm finally came to him, he said,”Sing some verses to me, O ‘Ali bin al—jahm!” Al-jahm began to move emotions using soft and kind words, and likened the king to the sun, the stars and the sword.

Notice how the Caliph was able to change Ibn al-]ahm’s personality. How often have we been upset by the bad behaviour of our children and friends? Did we ever try to change their nature successfully? Even more,you should be able to change your own personality by replacing a frowning face with a smiling one, replacing anger with forbearance, and miserliness with generosity. None of this is difficult, but it does require determination and persistence, so be brave!

Whoever reads the life of the Prophet peace be upon him  realises that he would deal with people with these skills and capture their hearts. The Prophet  peace be upon him would not simply pretend to have these skills in front of people and replace his forbearance with anger when being alone with his family. He was never one to be cheerful with some but sulky with his own family. He was never one to be generous with everyone except his own children and wives. Rather;  he always acted naturally. He would worship Allah by his fine manners just as he would worship Him by offering the Duha or night prayers. He would consider his smile to be a virtue, his gentleness an act of worship, and his forgiveness and leniency a good deed.The one who considers good manners to be acts of worship will always remain well-mannered, in war and peace, when he is hungry and when he is full, when healthy or ill, and even when happy or sad.

How many women only hear about the refined manners of their husbands, such as their patience, cheerfulness and generosity, but never witness any of these qualities at home? Such husbands, often when at home, are ill-mannered, impatient, sulky and constantly cursing.

As for the Prophet peace be upon him he said, “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my fami|y.” (al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maiah, Sahih)

Now read how he would deal with his family: Al-Aswad bin Yazid said, “l asked ‘A’ishah — may Allah be pleased with her  how Allah’s Messenger   would behave in his house. She said: ‘He would be serving his family, and when the time for prayer would come he would perform ablution and leave to pray.”

The same can be said about parents. How often is it that we hear of the good manners that some display, such as generosity, cheerfulness and kind behaviour towards others, and yet with the closest people to them who have the greatest rights over them, such as their parents, wives and children, they are distant and cold.

Yes, the best of you is the best to his family, to his parents, to his wife, and to his children. One night, as Abu Layla —- may Allah be pleased with him — sat next to the Prophet  peace be upon him there came to him, either al-Hasan or al-Husayn, so the Prophet peace be upon him  lifted him up and placed him on his stomach. The toddler then urinated on the Prophet’s stomach. Abu Layla said, “l saw the urine trickling down from the Prophet’s stomach.  So we leapt up to the Prophet peace be upon him but he said:‘Leave my son alone. Do not scare him.”’

When the toddler had finished urinating, he called for some water and poured it over his stomach.’ (Ahmad and al-Tabarani, with trustworthy narrators)

How amazing was the Messenger of Allah  peace be upon him to train and adorn himself with such manners! No wonder he was able to win the hearts of the young and old.

Opinion…
Instead of cursing the darkness, try to fix the lamp.

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